Touch of reality
By Aisha Muhammad Suleiman
LAST night was one such that made me realize how far the journey into the morning was. I went to bed quite early, not bidding any member of my family good-night. In my bad mood, I set off to sleep. As I lay on my bed, begging sleep to come to my rescue, the night began to open my eyes to numerous thoughts over my mother’s piece of advice. Her words came running through my head, all competing for my attention. Every word she said was meant to transform my negative mind for the better but that hardened being inside me will not encourage me to embrace the truth in her words.
I am the eldest child of my widowed mother. In my 15 years of existence, all I have succeed in bringing upon her is pain and trouble. Mum was never harsh on me despite all this. What I always fail to realize is the fact that she is the best friend I though I never had.
All my life, I have always taken my mother’s counsel for granted. This is because each time she attempts to correct a mistake on my part, all I do is flare up. I never appreciate any piece of advice because I always though she is out to spank me again. Every word of encouragement she speaks hits me like piercing arrow-instead of learning from them, I just ignore them and move on with things the way it pleases me.
I grew up doing things my way. Father was a very quiet person, a man of few words whose boundry of discipline I crossed so easily. I never thought for one day that my actions and inactions could set a terrible pace for my siblings to follow. This way my mother’s greatest fear as she ends every piece of advice with these words-“be an elder brother with an exemplary life”.
Although these words never made much sense to me. I always thought my life is mine to live not to be judged, controlled or tossed around by another person. Little did I know that the words of a watchful mother are like prophesies carried by the wind from the past to the present, into the future. Each time my mother shows great concern to events surrounding me, the least I could do is shun every word she said.
Mother is a great woman, she never stopped talking, she never got tired. It was like a hobby correcting her eldest child’s teenage fumes. Mum watches over me a lot, from my morale, friends, manners and every other areas of child discipline-she was always present without a blink.
All these follow-ups made me grow stubborn day-after-day, I just want to be left alone with no one telling me what and what not to do. I never for a second made a review of my focus or vision in life. The thought at real life never struck my focus or vision in life. The thought of real life never struck my mind. All I see is fantasy in a free world, of fun and excitement-clouded in deceit. I never fore saw the day God will unveil my mind to the realities of life, growth, maturity and responsibility.
Last night was a breakthrough. I could not sleep. I spent 14 hours awake, reviewing all the troubles and pains I have caused my widowed mother over the years. I asked myself, what has such a wonderful woman done to deserve a heart-breaking child like me? I sought answer to this question in my quiet meditation until her words came back again, forming a thick cloud in my head and pointing fingers at me. This was when I finally realized that my way of life is clothed in deceit and fantasies.
What my mother always prayed for me to realize is that “touch of reality” which only the meek can feel and dwell with.
Suleiman is on intership with Sunday Triumph from University of Maiduguri